Usually, I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions. I don’t want to have lofty, unrealistic resolves that have the strong possibility of being quickly broken and then forgotten.
However, it is my goal to reflect upon and evaluate the previous year and purposefully step into the new year with a fresh outlook, goals, and plans. I love new beginnings, and the start of a year does seem like a wonderfully crisp place to start.
This year, I believe, is very different from years past. As I look back over 2010, there is much to be noted. It was the year that God broke in and, in a new way, began ravaging my heart for the purposes of His pleasure.
I have known the Lord for nearly 15 years. But in so many ways, I feel like my soul has been awakened to the glory and beauty of Jesus Christ like never before.
What does this have to do with my decision to stop blogging? Stick with me, and, by the end, I think you’ll understand.
I have mentioned before that this blog began under the encouragement and blessing of my husband. It was his idea for me to blog about things he thought I have to offer other women. The purpose of blogging was to share things that I didn’t have much opportunity to share, with the goal of working toward supplementing our income.
We see women working under their husband’s authority to bring income to the family modeled in Scripture (Proverbs 31:18, 24, Acts 5:1, Acts 16:14), and Blane felt comfortable leading us in this way. I was happy and excited to work toward being a financial asset to our family!
But, since I began blogging, I have felt a tension (of which I’ve written about a few times over the last few months). For months I wrestled with it, trying to figure out why it was there. It really bothered me. I waffled back and forth about whether or not to do blog, spoke with my husband several times about when to blog, what to write about, etc. I was not experiencing peace.
I didn’t know what to do, and I was in near constant angst over it. However, my husband wanted me to stay committed (at least long enough to be able to evaluate things over time), and I wanted to stay committed instead of just quitting. But I didn’t want to continue if the Lord didn’t want it.
Well, as the Lord has been working in my life through many circumstances and ways, and as I’ve sought Him regarding the blog, He has been answering me very specifically about a number of things, including what role blogging has in my life.
To be exact, December 12 was when it all came together and I knew what the Lord wants for me at this time. And in a nutshell, it’s this: I am not to blog for now. I don’t know if or when I’ll resume. But for now, no blogging.
There are several factors contributing to the conclusion the Lord brought me to, which I’ll tie up in the end. To get there, I’m going to explain things in list format, beginning with the most practical.
1. Writing doesn’t come easily to me. Not only do my circumstances need to be just right—quiet, uninterrupted, etc., I need editing done before a post goes up. Instead of being independent in my writing, Blane has to be very involved (as my editor)—which takes away from his working time. In addition to working full-time, he has his own online business that he runs when he is at home. I not only want him to edit for grammatical errors, but to evaluate the tone in which a post is written. This is especially true since I’m not only representing myself, but him as well with what I publish online. He is my leader and I want to act like he is in this realm of life, too.
2. Writing takes time. Whether it’s playing with my kids, cleaning my kitchen or a bathroom, folding laundry or reading—something has to give in order for me to write.
3. I am a relational kind of gal. I usually sink (or at least feel like I am sinking) in surface relationships and thrive in relationships with depth. The time it takes to maintain a blog like this one takes away from real life relationship. I want to be active in the body of Christ—pursuing relationship, serving others, knowing others.
4. Since I began blogging, the amount of time spent on my computer and online has grown—a lot. This must change.
5. God has made it clear that I am not to blog right now. Period.
Tomorrow, I’ll finish sharing my heart and pull it all together in conclusion.